I Should be Writing This Paper, BUTTTTTT …
instead, i’m sitting here yawning and being mad at my stupid car. I’m super tired, so in my mind that gives me all the reasoning in the world not to write this reflective paper.
Apparently, I’ll never be good enough in his eyes…
Every single time I stepped in that gym, all I could think about was him bashing me about my weight, about toning my body…I did this for me, but with his negativity as my motivation. And now, 15 pounds lighter than I was 4 months ago, I still get negativity coming from him. I still get that “well you shoulda never gained 15 pounds,” I get “well losing 15 pounds isn’t that hard, it ain’t shit…” No matter what I do, he’ll always continue to bash me for who I am and how I look.
Of course, I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing, because I love the way that my body is changing for the better. But honestly, I’ll never expect anything from him again. I’ll harness that negativity and allow it to be my driving force, but I will never again expect him to say anything positive to me about anything, ever. And that’ll be the end of it. I’ve realized that I don’t need to hear his positive comments about my progress. All I need is his negative tendencies to keep me going.
I guess some things never change …
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